The Future Of Sex
21st Century trends in the world of dating & mating
Hi there,
Let’s talk about something that makes people blush, look around, and pretend like they’re not listening: sex.
Let’s be honest. Everyone wants to act like the most pious kid on the block, but deep inside, nobody can get enough of this topic.
But hey, don’t be ashamed. We are all programmed by evolution to want to reproduce and multiply- which is why our lives revovle around it and we can’t stop gossiping about who slept with the local diva.
Today, we’re dabbling with new technologies to change how we engage in love, dating, and sex. What can we learn from all these new experiments?
For that, I turned to the work of Roanne van Voorst. An anthropologist of the future, she experimented with various emerging trends in the world of sex.
Here are some interesting ideas from her convo on the Modern Wisdom podcast:
Sex robots: To explore the frontiers, she visited some brothels which have started keeping sex robots. So what is the experience like? As of now: a bit odd. Even though the body design will eventually cater to people’s exact wants, these robots are heavy and inflexible at the moment, and lie like dead objects which can feel a little creepy. But as with most tech, the design will improve and they’ll be programmed to make the very gestures and movements people look forward to. Interestingly, some feminists think the rise of these robots is a good thing as it’d reduce the number of women who suffer from exploitation.
Falling in love with a corporate algorithm Robot UX: The issue with these robots stimulating sex is that all of us enjoy a little unpredictability in these matters: if we just keep getting what we want without any effort, shit can get boring real quick. So designers are programming variability into these robots: she may refuse sex saying she has a headache or is mad at you! These things may bring the experience closer to reality (but ultimately there’s a limit to these ‘surprises’ because you know they will eventually fulfill the function they’re built for).
Social issues: Some argue that this tech may be good for people who are perennially single. But the issue with a future where people are happy having sexbots at home is that it takes away the social component of dating & sex. Love and sex require the push-and-pull that animate human social interactions: they’re about the fights and reconciliation, about navigating the highs & lows with your partner. You just don’t get what you want directly, and this not only helps us have a better relationship but also develops the social muscle we need to operate socially. But if we just have a sex robot that does what we want any time without having that essential push and pull, we risk blunting those crucial social sensibilities.
A related point: Research shows that thanks to Alexa and Siri, kids aren’t saying “Please” and “Thank you” while asking for things because they never have to engage in these niceties- a potent example of how technology, notwithstanding its benefits, can erode our essential social skills that are critical to engage with society.
Polyamory: Another trend is the rise of polyamory: the idea of having multiple partners. Google trends show that search volumes for this term have been rising. As exciting as this may sound, in many cases this seems to be infeasbile and often a recipe for disaster because it arouses jealousy & envy in a lot of cases. Everything has to be explained and scheduled to prevent conflict, and it’s not as rosy an idea as it seems. Managing 1 partner for us itself can often induce skull-splitting migraines- think of what might happen when you throw another buggy human into the mix.
Monogamists: There’s also a rising trend of single people who believe that they’re just not made for dating- that the idea of a special one just doesn’t apply to them. Think of guys in NY or London who work their poor asses off, slogging 80-100 hours a week & coming home almost dead. All they have time for is Netlifx and maybe just random hook ups, AI girlfriends or sex workers. Apparently, they can’t find love at all. But the thing is that they’re probably just victims of hustle culture, and not some unique mutants who are “not meant for love”. When one’s tired, wanting to avoid company is just a defence mechanism. It doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love and be in a relationship.
DNA based dating: Technologists are bringing ever newer ideas to the space. Some startups are calling for DNA samples from couples to help them assess if they’re a good match from a biological perspective. While these things are interesting, we run the risk of us losing our intuition and giving up almost all of our decision making to technology. Kissing, for example, was our OG DNA exchange method, helping us to assess each other’s immune systems and intuitively gauge DNA compatibility!
Perils of Love tech: In conclusion, we must remember that love is like food or drink- it’s a primal need that is hard to do away with. And while newer tech and fancy ideas keep emerging, we must constantly ask ourselves: is this tech solving a genuine problem that’s making our lives better? Or is it just good for the industry because they can get more sales by getting people addicted to a new thing? This question will increasingly define our century of tech-experiments in the domain of love and sex.
That’s it for today, folks. If you liked this, share it with a curious friend.
And if you want to read more interesting stuff, here’s a few suggestions:
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