You Need More Conversations
7 intriguing thoughts on our society & culture
Hello there,
As the world is consumed by screens, I often feel that we’d do better with a little more looking up and talking.
A little more interaction with real, flesh-and-blood humans, instead of their pretentious digital instantiations.
Just a little more enriching conversation.
I recently came across the work of Theordor Zeldin, the great historian-philosopher, who reinforced this thought and showed me what a genuine, involved conversation can achieve, and how we seem to be losing our grip on this simplest of social technologies.
Today’s piece is a call to arms to all readers to bring back a little more conversation in their lives.
Not convinced? Here are some notes on the power of conversations and how we can have more of them, based on global experiments, historical anecdotes, and philosophical observations:
The greatest adventure: In a world where our digital lives are flipping the physical ones at an unprecedented pace, perhaps the greatest adventure of our times is to find out what goes on in the mind of a stranger- their private thoughts, beliefs, anxieties, and desires. So many ideas, feelings, and emotions are left unsaid, and yet there must be so much variety, creativity, and relatability in the private thoughts of 8 billion humans. Every conversation is a window into this unique perspective- of how a human looks at the world- and changes the way we look at it too.
Bump into a new mind Menu of conversation: In an experiment conducted by Zeldin, he connected strangers from different countries and gave them a pre-set menu of conversation: ranging from questions that discussed the limits of their compassion to some that got into the ethical & aesthetic impact of their jobs on the world. These strangers got into deeeeeep discussions that lasted for hours and walked out saying they had never experienced something quite like this. Come to think of it, we haven’t had these important conversations even with our partners or parents! This is a fantastic idea for you to try next time you’re on a “boring” 3-hour car ride. Have a conversation and open your mind instead of doom-scrolling and damaging it even more.
The art of listening: When Zeldin met an Iranian ayatollah to have a chat, the latter vented furiously for over an hour on the misdeeds of the West. The rant went on endlessly, but once it was done the anger vanished. The Ayatollah smiled, hugged Zeldin, and said he’d like to meet and talk again. When asked why, he said, “Because you listened”. That one simple act- of genuinely listening to a person- opened up a human side that remains hidden when people with different opinions keep clashing. Understanding transforms disagreement into an enriching experience.
Conversations in the past: We value something only when we realize how privileged we are to have it. You’d be surprised to know that having such deep conversations with people has not been possible in the past. Group meetings would often break into talking past each other, hooting, cat-calling, and breaking into song (and sometimes even punching each other). Moreover, the world was hierarchical for the longest time, so people spoke only in the order of their societal status- with the powerful talking first. We’re blessed to be able to converse with strangers and talk to new groups of people, without caring about power & wealth dynamics. We better use it to enrich our existence.
The IKEA experiment: Superstores like IKEA could become our new cultural centers and genuinely enrich our lives by bringing us in contact with people, and moving past just selling us furniture we can probably do without. How good would it be if customers could talk to each other in the stores, bring out their stories, and their emotional and cultural sensibilities in an attempt to build a better life? The author tried doing this exactly, with a similar ‘menu of conversation’ that transcends mere gossip, and people were eternally grateful for those encounters. It shows that we’re more interested in people than products- and discounts & loyalty points are superficial remedies for our frustrated sociabilities. Deep down, we don’t just want to add products to our carts- we want to connect with other like-minded folks and add new perspectives to our lives.
Parking lots as cultural centers: In addition, the gigantic parking lots were turned into a cultural center that houses shops and booths from different cultures. An arena that allows us to engage with the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of cultures alien to us can open up our minds in new ways, and turn huge, desolate concrete yards into spaces brimming with human sociability, expanding our minds and helping us move past the mind-numbing isolation of modernity. We need not spend lakhs traveling to an exotic country- these social experiences are possible in our cities and it’s only a matter of time before some creative thinkers begin to fuse culture and commerce in meaningful ways.
Hotels as cultural institutions: Hotels are melting pots where people from various cultures congregate. But we barely use that opportunity and let people conduct their business and leave. What if we could turn these places into hotspots for deep conversations with enigmatic people who have come from a corner of the world we haven’t heard about? So much is possible, and yet we do so little with these low-hanging fruits.
I’d never thought enough about conversations or imagined that so many of our physical spaces can encourage these encounters, instead of isolating us and frustrating our deep, human need for social connection.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever experienced the power of getting to know a stranger (or a friend) deeply, and seen how it alters your perspective?
I’d love to know your thoughts- respond to this email so 2 strangers can start a new conversation.
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Hey Sahil, love this piece! In fact we're building an app called Nool that's designed for this very purpose - bringing back the social in social media through all-video, async conversations. I hadn't come across Zeldin before, thanks for that!